Necrophilia
by Rose Tyler
Summary: Jacob brings up a shocking, yet hilarious, point about the relationship between Bella and Edward.


FRIDAY AFTERNOON

BELLA

Jacob and I sat on the beach, on the tree that we always sat on, looking out over the water. I was leaning against his shoulder, because it was a chilly early fall morning. We were arguing about my favourite story.

"Romeo and Juliet is too a stupid story. Think about it. Today with the suicide ratings so high, it's teaching children Rome and Juliet's ages, what about 12-15? That if they are "in love" and they can not be with that person, that they should kill themselves. It's bad for today, with the stupidity level of some. Not only that, but the story lacked character."

"It did not!" I said, offended.

"Yes, Bella, it _did_. Nobody in it had that much of a personality, and it was all so… typical. Man, I hated reading that in the ninth grade."

"…Edward likes it."

"Oh, _Edward_ likes it? Then that makes it a wonderful, brilliant, fantastic piece of artwork!" he drawled sarcastically.

"That's right." I pushed his shoulder, but he didn't budge. I was determining whether or not to bludgeon him with a rock when he started talking again.

"But really… how's he better than me?" he asked, sounding curious and hurt.

"I never said that!" Oh, no, here we go again.

"Well then why him?"

I wasn't about to have this conversation with him again. I stood up and began to walk along the shore. He got up and began to follow me closely.

"Okay, here's reasons that _I'm_ better. _I_ don't poke around peoples' minds. That's creepy and perverted."

I threw a rock at him, hitting him In the chest. He laughed. I scowled at him.

"Also, I can't ever hurt you or accidentally kill you. I swear."

"I'm still alive, aren't I?" I asked irritated.

"He glitters in the sunlight. That is beyond gay."

"Real men sparkle."

"No, queer men sparkle. Thirdly, you being with him, you could be institutionalized for necrophilia. He is dead, technically, he's a walking, talking, not breathing, no-hearted, no working kidney'd, corpse."

I snorted. I swung back to look at him, standing a few feet away, looking very attractive (oh no, lets' not go there Bella), with a cute, "what-did-I-do" look on his face. He narrowed his eyebrows at me. I laughed so hard that I stumbled and almost fell, but he caught me.

"What's so funny?" He looked at me for a second, and then burst out laughing, which only made me laugh harder.

* * *

LATER THAT NIGHT

EDWARD

Bella lay in my arms. She had been abnormally quiet tonight, and I could tell that she was humoured by something. When I looked at her inquisitively, though, she just shook her head. We talked a bit, and then she got quiet. I thought she was asleep.

"Edward?" she said softly, after a while.

"Yes, Love?"

"Why is it that you want to be with me? What do you like about me?"

I sighed. "Bella, we've been over this already."

"But really, though. Just tell me."

"You're smart, you're sweet, and you're beautiful. You're not like other girls. I love how human you are. Your heart beats, your skin is warm, your breathing… and I'm just so dead compared to you."

She snorted.

"What?" I asked. Usually she said, "aaw!" or, "that's not true!", but snorted?

"Nothing." She giggled.

"No, really! What is so funny? Something has been funny since you got back from hanging out with… Jacob." I said his name with malice in my voice.

"Oh, be nice to him, he's just a kid!" she hit me softly on my chest, still laughing.

Realization dawned on me. Then horror flooded through me, followed by anger. "Bella, Love, are you… you… _drunk_?"

She began to laugh harder.

"Really, are you? Because I'll kill—"

"No, no, it's nothing. I'm just a little loopy from being tired." She snuggled in closer to my chest, and soon drifted off to sleep.

After she had been asleep for a few hours she began to mutter in her sleep, as she usually did.

"Edward… necrophilia…" she giggled.

I growled. Stupid kid thought he was funny. Then, I snorted, and began to laugh softly. Bella awoke.

"What's so funny?" she asked sleepily.

"Necrophilia?"

Her eyes lit up, and we sat there for minutes, trying to laugh quietly so that we would not wake Charlie up.

"You know," I said, "I've been inside Jacobs' mind. I could tell you a few things about him, to get back at him…"


End file.
